Cecil Slack's letters: Volume 6

The body of each letter is as transcribed by Lady Joan Slack. In each case the name or initial of the writer is followed by the recipient, the date (where known) and the address from which the letter was sent. For convenience, these have been presented in a common format. CMS is, of course, Cecil Moorhouse Slack.

CMS to WHS and WS; 8/6/16

My Dear Father and Mother,

I got back to the battalion at 8.0 this morning. We are in rest, and shall not be going to the trenches for some time.

The boat did not leave Folkestone till 3.35 pm yesterday, so I could easily have spent another night at home. The R.T.Os. and M.L.Os. do not look at things in this light however.

We had rather a rough crossing and a few men were sick, but nobody tried to torpedoe us. We had a couple of hours at Boulogne enabling us to get a decent meal, and then a six hour train ride. I could not sleep in the train and am in consequence rather tired, but I shall make up for it tonight.

I bought a small folding Primus Stove before I left but forgot to call for it on my way to the station. If it has not been sent up to the house will you ask them to do so and will you send it to me in a registered parcel. It is paid for.

Love to all,

Your affec. son,

Cecil.

CMS to Dora; Sunday 11/6/16

My Dear Dora,

I got your letter this morning. But for some delay in the post it would have been here yesterday. It is evening now and is the first chance I have had of writing.

The post has been taken, but I shall be able to get this through in time to catch it up. I want it to go at once so that I can tell you I do not mind a bit if you want to talk to your friend Queenie Willatt, about last Monday. I should like you to because I know you want to and I'm sure it will be a good thing to do. I hope this reaches you before you leave.

There is just one person here whom I would like to mention it to sometime - Norman Ingleby - For a long time he has had a suspicion of my feelings, but he does not know about whom, except by sight and surname. He and his brother were marching with me that day the 3/4 East Yorks marched to Hull, and back through Newland the next day to Dalton Holme. I remember how everyone was asking who were the two pretty girls in the car. I still have the ribbon that was round the box of sweets you gave me. It seems rather a foolish sort of thing for a male human being to do, but I don't mind.

Ingleby is an awfully nice fellow; and we have been in the same company, as first and second command practically ever since I came out the second time, and have been in some very nasty places together. He is, as you know, engaged to Kathleen Clarke. I shall say nothing if you would rather I didn't, I only feel as though I want to let someone know, someone who understands, and won't spread it broadcast. It is glorious to know that you are thinking, and that there is a chance.

I have come out into a small wood to write this, as I can keep my thoughts collected, away from the camp. It is almost too dark to see any more, and I have to parade for a rehearsal of the "affair" at 9.30.

I will write to Skegness tomorrow, answering yours. I have just sent this so that you may get it before you leave Skegness.

Love from Cecil.

CMS to Dora; Monday 12/6/16.

My Dear Dora,

For a long time before I asked you to marry me I had been thinking things over and I was and am quite certain of my own feelings. But I feel rather rotten for asking you when I did - I ought to have waited, for one thing, until the war was over, and for another thing until I had more idea of your feelings. I can't quite understand it seeing how many times I have thought it all over before.

As it is I have given you a shock and have kindled feelings which should not have been aroused while I am out here. I am sorry and yet I am glad.

I did not mean to be quiet and unusual when I got back to the house on Monday evening, and I thought I wasn't but your Mother must have noticed something - I don't think anyone else did.

You ask me to be quite sure that I was not influenced by any excitement of the moment. I WAS NOT. When I came over on Monday I had not any definite intention, but I had a sort of hazy wondering as to whether I should ask you to be my wife. You hint that you brought me away from the other two - I think the shoe was on the other foot. When I suggested that we should go back to look for them I had not the slightest intention of finding them - I only wanted to make our walk a little longer, and to sum up my courage. Get rid of the idea that I acted on an impulse of the moment. I have loved you ever since I was at Rydal. A schoolboy love then - it often happens to schoolboys and then dies out. Mine did not.

The year after I left Mother told me in one of her letters that your Mother was in London with you and Flossie, I took it as a confirmation of what I already seemed to know. When you came to see me I had been expecting you and had cancelled a drive [on] which one of the Miss Keyes, an old friend of King Edward's, was going to take me.

Somehow or other I seemed to know you were coming. It was after seeing you on that day, I think it was Monday, May 10th, that I knew that my schoolboy love, was real true honest LOVE for you, and since then it has always been the same.

You say you will let me know if you come across anyone whom you like better than me. It is just what I should have asked you to do. You ask me to promise to do the same. I promise - and it's a very [adjective missing] promise too, for there will be no-one. I know. You ask me how much I love you. All I can say is that I just love you, with my whole heart. I love you together with my Mother and my Father and my honour, but my love to you is not quite the same as to the others - it is on a different scale altogether. I can't explain any better, I just love you, and that means everything.

There is just one thing I want to mention before I forget it, and it is this - If I should by any chance be crippled I shall cry off everything. I would not dream of marrying if I had not a sound body. That is one reason why I'm such a rotter for having asked you in the middle of the war.

I had thought of it all before, but I seemed to forget everything last Monday, except that I wanted you to be my wife. Perhaps it would be better if we put aside what has happened until the war is over?

Forget what I said about the Grindell person. Neither he nor any person has had any influence on what I have done. As for "teasing", don't worry about that, because I haven't a bit.

No, Dora, I haven't flirted for the simple reason that I've never wanted to. Mind you I have always admired a pretty face and have not scorned such things as "glad eyes" etc.

But these are surface things. If I have not shown you before how I have felt towards you you must put it down to a natural "shyness" that I have always had. Remember, "still waters run deep".

Dora, there is something in what you say about hoping for a letter from me about Feb. 9th. I remember, perfectly writing that letter, and the whole time I was thinking of you, and trying to put into it something more than words. It was just an ordinary letter a boy would write to a girl friend, but my heart was in it. I have always looked forward to your letters and have kept them all.

About this little "affair" that will be coming off soon - it is not nearly as dangerous as one would expect. One hears almost every day of a successful raid. I ought not to have said anything about it, it was very thoughtless of me.

I do not think anything will happen to me. I tell you I shall do my utmost to get back whole. I am much too fond of life to run unnecessary risks.

Please try not to worry and think things over calmly and take plenty of time, and if you want to talk to anyone do so, but they will promise not to say anything won't they?

Goodbye,

Love from Cecil.

CMS to WHS and WS; 13/6/16

My Dear Father and Mother,

The battalion went up to the trenches last night. I shall not be going for some days yet, except occasionally, to have a look round. Two more officers have stayed behind, Norman Ingleby, and a man called Spragge, and we are going to have quite a good time. We have a great number of officers out here now, and more are coming. There are rumours that some are going back to England, to train men. Affairs are very quiet just at present. The recent German success in the Ypres salient is rather a bad "do" of course. I know the land there well, for we had three or four months in those very trenches. I have just heard that we have got practically all of it back now.

The weather has been hopeless since the battalion went, raining practically all the time. I have been sitting in my hut enjoying my good luck.

Will you send me a tin of tea tabloids Mother? The stuff we get here is horrible, and our servants make it worse. Will you also send that little kettle which is in a sort of saucepan arrangement that is knocking about somewhere in my room.

I was lucky not to have had my leave postponed any longer than it was. It has now been knocked down from nine to seven days. The change took place whilst I was on leave.

Will you please send me some unstamped newspaper wrappers.

Love to all,

Your affec. son,

Cecil.

Dora to CMS; Friday 3pm. 16.6.1916.

Cecil, Cheri,

I received your two letters on Wednesday and Thursday mornings. I had not thought that your love for me is as great as it is and that you had loved me ever since you were at Rydal - it is very beautiful to me, Cecil, that you have loved me all these years. My love for you is very fresh yet - perhaps because I have only just discovered it and begun to think about it - you see I hadn't thought about it as much as you have. I think that by the end of six months or the next time you come on leave I shall know whether I can love you with my whole heart and put you first in my love - I think you put me first, don't you? I love you, dear, now, yes, very much - more than when I wrote you my last letter - I think I have got to know you better through that last letter of yours than I have known you all along - I think you must have been shy when you talked to me when you were over but I don't think you will be so the next time we see each other - you will know me better by my letters and I shall know you better too.

We are both young yet - I'm glad we are - we shall have plenty of life before us - I remember Kathleen Watts and Harley Judge - they were younger still - they were engaged to themselves just before war started but Kathleen did not quite know her own mind at first but she did afterwards and they had known each other for years and Harley had cared for her for years. Of course it is terribly sad for her now and she is very brave but I don't think she will ever change her love.

Cecil my dear. you mustn't think you are a rotter for telling me of your love - I am glad now - and I think you are glad really, altho' it did upset me and prove a great shock to me at the time - I think it was because you are rather an undemonstrative sort - but I'm not going to say that now but am putting it down to shyness and I don't think you, will be that, the next time we meet, will you?

No, dear, I won't leave it over till after the war, I know that at the bottom of your heart you don't want to - don't you think it helps you, to feel that you care for someone and someone cares for you and is hoping and thinking about you and loving you? Do remember in "The Knight on Wheels" that Phillip wanted to be Peg's Knight and to do something for his Lady Love - won't it help you to think that you are fighting for me - I want to look upon you as my Knight.

Cecil, you must remember this - that when I am once certain of my whole Love for you - and you should by any chance be crippled in this awful war, but I pray God that you never will be, I can never give you up again - you would want someone to love you and look after you - I am made of better stuff than to give you up when I love you - my love would be too strong. It was horrible to think of and I couldn't help thinking of it when I was in bed last night - a woman is very handicapped and helpless at times - you see I can do nothing - we haven't the bodily strength you men have - you don't realise it because you are a man - it is a very helpless feeling and if one has anyone in danger who is very dear to them and one can't help them - well there's the feeling.

I oughtn't to have told you this but I had never felt it before I came here - received some more papers and have a form to be filled up by a Dr. so shall be going to Dr. Bain next week to be thoroughly looked at and examined - horrible proceeding - don't know what I shall do if I'm not fit - I know my back is a bit twisted but I think he will pass that - I'm quite a hefty and tough old bird really - after that I have to be interviewed by the matron at Leeds, Leicester, Sheffield, or any other place on a long list and then I have to be passed and a place found for me by the V.A.D. Selection Board in London. I don't know where I shall get to eventually - you will come over to see me won't you? It will do me good to meet fresh people and have plenty to occupy my mind. If I meet fresh people it will make me know my own mind better about my love for you. I don't expect I shall get anywhere before August as I shall have to be vaccinated again and inoculated.

I am staying on here till next Monday and then I go to c/o F. Elwell Esq. The Bar House, Beverley until Friday (a week to-day) and then I am going to Marjorie's at Grimsby until the Tuesday and after that back to Silkstone. I haven't told you before that Flossie and I are having our portraits painted by Fred Elwell, he began them last November but it has been rather difficult for him to finish them with our being away - I believe I told you I stayed with them in January - but he didn't finish even then - he has had rather a tussle with my old face - such a weird concoction I should think! They are a sweet couple - Mr. and Mrs. - and most interesting and learned and conversation most elevating - I have to waggle my poor old brains hard to keep up with them - still they are awfully kind and it is very good of them to ask me again. I am being painted in my white tennis blouse and skirt with a fawn silk jersey I wore last year (did you see it?) and holding my tennis racquet and looking very sappy. They have thought since that I ought not to be painted with tennis things - now that they know me better - I am not just a girl for tennis and nothing else - you understand? They might like me better in that pinky frock I wore when you came to Silkstone - do you like me in that one and what do you think? They will decide anyway next week while I am there. We haven't told anyone yet about this - we shan't have them till after the war when we are settled again Mother has wanted us painted for years and thought they ought to be done at once before we get into haggard old spinsters.

I think I shall just get a letter from you if you send it to Beverley. You said you would like to tell Norman Ingleby about me - I don't mind in the least if you would like to - it will be better for you to have someone to talk things over with - I'm afraid you will feel very lonely out there without anyone to talk to who understands and I'm sure he will. Kathleen Clarke is a very nice girl I believe - it is Connie who is rather different - their mother died when they were young I think and they have had no one to bring them up and look after them - Adrian Farrell's Aunt, Mrs. Talkhurst told me.

Queenie is a very sympathetic soul to talk to - and I think anyone who is married understands better - it seems such a huge question come all at once and it will mean such a lot to me and such a great change in my life - I think more of a change than in yours - you do not change your business life only your home life and one third of your life, about, is spent in business - while the whole of my life would be completely changed.

I had sometimes thought I should never marry - I was very fond of my present life and have rather an independant soul - there is a wee-bit of the suffragette about me I sometimes think - but I have a very soft nature underneath, Cecil, but have thought it must be a very strong and lasting love to make me marry - remember it is a love that has to last all one's life. I think you would try to make me happy - I know I should do all I could for you if I married you and care for you and I believe you would care for me, wouldn't you? I'm afraid I'm on and on but my outlook on life seems to have been changed this last fortnight. It was a VERY great disappointment that the Parents never allowed me to go to college after Penrhos - Emma Blamires has just gone for her Tripos exam - am enclosing her last letter - thought you would be interested - please return it. If I had gone to college - my life would probably have have been very different indeed - I don't think I should have ever married - I should have gone in for business of some kind - I often wonder which I am cut out for.

DO let me know how you have got on this week.

My love to you,

When is your birthday - I think it is sometime this month isn't it? I don't want to tell anyone else at present Cecil, but if I do it will be somebody who is quite safe.

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